did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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