PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
