i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
