I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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