You're so nebulous sometimes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
