LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
