Do you still have your period?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
