he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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