I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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