I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
