I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
