every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
