my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
