the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize