i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
