I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
