Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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