and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
