carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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