I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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