his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
