Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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