you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize