i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
