I just saw a hot homeless man
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
