you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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