just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
