im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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