I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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