i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
