At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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