Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Even the bartender felt bad for me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
