About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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