The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His nipple licking is glorious
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