dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
