so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
