Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
