so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
