I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
