she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
