Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
