Even the bartender felt bad for me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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