tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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