i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
