it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
