i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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