It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someone shattered a urinal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
