I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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