i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
