Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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