this beer tastes like vomit already
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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