So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My life is pants optional.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
