i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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