Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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