im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
