What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
