Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Michael Bay diarrhea
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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