My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
