I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
