What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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