I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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