See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
