the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
