What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
