the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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